Ais
Joined: 16 Apr 2007
Posts: 906
Location: USA
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 Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 6:52 pm Post subject: A Halloween Story |
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I randomly decided to write a Halloween story. I'm not posting it as an official side story because I don't even know if it works in the current storyline or not. I just wanted to write something pointless/fun. So basically consider this to be a humor fic.
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A Halloween Story
As Jeffrey approached his apartment door, he was looking down at his palm computer, typing in several quick responses to emails and checking his messages to see if there was anything imperative happening. There was nothing important so he held the palm computer at his side and only then looked up, stopping in his tracks when he saw his apartment door.
The outside of the door was covered in stretched cotton and plastic ghost cut-outs. A large fuzzy-looking fake spider hovered at the top of the door, staring ominously down at anyone who dared enter. A sign stated "House of Horrors" in what was apparently meant to mimic blood that had dripped before it dried.
Jeffrey looked up and down the hallway briefly, confusion overcoming him as he wondered if he'd actually been so involved in the computer that he walked into the wrong complex. But this was the correct complex, the correct floor, and that certainly was his door.
His lips thinned and he approached his door almost warily, peering up and down the hallway once more for a different reason this time. Ever since Sin had randomly decided to bust into Jeffrey's apartment without a trace and terrorize him, Jeffrey had been more paranoid about security. He still didn't know how Sin had gotten in and for a brief moment he ran through every interaction he'd had recently to be sure he hadn't done anything that would piss off the sometimes unstable man.
Not that Vega was likely to put that crap all over the door. That was much more likely to be--
"Happy Halloween!"
Jeffrey spun around and was thoroughly unsurprised to see a headless horseman standing in the hallway behind him. The outfit was made so that the upper body of the person looked as though he was sitting on a horse; two of the horse's legs were the person's. The horseman's legs and other two horse legs were fake. The torso of the horseman went up over the person's head, while a jack-o-lantern flashed lights from the inside every time the person spoke.
He couldn't see Owen's face, but he knew that voice and he knew the man would be grinning like a fool.
"You did not walk through the compound like that," Jeffrey said flatly.
"Yes I did!" Owen replied, sounding excited and immensely pleased with himself. "I may even go trick-or-treating later tonight! Do you have any candy, by the way?"
Jeffrey turned his back on Owen and stalked to his door, feeling irritation rise within him. There was too much cotton to swipe his card so he had to start ripping stuff away.
"No, wait! That took forever to do!"
The headless horseman trundled down the hallway and stopped by Jeffrey, nearly knocking him out of the way with the horse's head. Jeffrey shoved at the horse and Owen moved in closer. A short battle ensued of Jeffrey trying to push Owen and his ridiculous costume out of his way and Owen constantly pushing him back.
Owen finally managed to steal the key card and carefully moved the fake cobwebs just enough to swipe the card.
"Why the hell did you put this crap all over my door?" Jeffrey snapped, standing back and crossing his arms with a glare.
"Uh, because you wouldn't have gotten around to it in time?" Owen offered, as if it were an obvious explanation.
"Of course I wouldn't have! This is completely ridiculous. No one else is decorating for this stupid holiday. It makes me look like an idiot."
"Hey, no need to hurt Halloween's feelings like that," Owen chastised, petting the cobwebs. "It's all right. He didn't mean it."
The door beeped and Owen made a pleased noise, tossing the card toward Jeffrey who fumbled and caught it. Owen started the arduous task of maneuvering himself through the doorway. The horse outfit was almost too long for the width of the hallway and it took him a bit before he could enter Jeffrey's apartment.
Jeffrey followed, his irritation only growing every second he had to watch Owen make a fool of himself as always and in the process make Jeffrey look like one as well. He glanced up and down the hallway to be sure none of his neighbors were around. He knew better than to rip the Halloween decorations off now with Owen there; knowing Owen, he probably had even more embarrassing decorations waiting to replace the current ones in case of emergency.
The door shut forcefully behind Jeffrey and he stood there, arms crossed and unimpressed stare burning into where Owen's eyes probably were. "What do you want?"
Owen stood in the middle of the living room, tilting his whole body this way and that. There was a moment of silence and then he said, sounding lost, "I didn't think about sitting down..."
"Oh for Christ's sake, Owen, take that damn costume off!"
"Nooo," Owen whined, turning his whole body toward Jeffrey. The jack-o-lantern head he held to the side continued to flash lights from the inside every time he spoke, making it appear as though the jack-o-lantern was actually speaking. "I spent hours making this!"
"How the hell do you have time for such trivialities?" Jeffrey demanded incredulously. He locked the apartment door behind him and moved to the nearby table, dropping his palm computer and briefcase. "I barely have time for my work."
"Oh come on, Jeffrey. This is only the best holiday ever! I'm busy but not that busy. Plus, I needed a break and I wanted to work on my sewing skills."
Jeffrey stared flatly at Owen and finally looked away, bringing one hand to his forehead and shutting his eyes. He could feel a headache coming on. "I can't believe this."
"So anyway," Owen said brightly, his whole body turning around once again in a manner that made it seem as though he was surveying the room. "About how many people do you think you can fit in here?"
Jeffrey's eyes narrowed and he peered at Owen from between his fingers. "Why?" he asked suspiciously.
"Just wondering," Owen said casually, and Jeffrey dropped his hands at his sides, an intimidating stare coming over his face.
"What did you do, Owen?" he said lowly as he approached.
"Nothing, geez," Owen insisted and Jeffrey stopped as close to him as he could without hitting that stupid costume.
"Owen," Jeffrey said warningly and Owen finally sighed explosively.
"It's just a little party--"
"What!" Jeffrey exploded. "At my house?"
"You know my apartment sucks for parties, Jeffrey," Owen chastised. "Don't you remember the Great Christmas Caper of '17?"
"I am not having a Halloween party at my apartment, Owen!" Jeffrey said stolidly. "I don't like the holiday, I have plans--"
"No you don't," Owen said confidently. "I checked your calendar."
That caught Jeffrey off guard briefly before he shook his head. "I didn't put it on my calendar."
"Oh please," Owen said and Jeffrey could tell without seeing Owen's face that he rolled his eyes. "You're a creature of habit, my friend. Like a cat. A black cat on Halloween! Aww, that's what you should be!"
"Owen--"
"I'm pretty sure you don't have a bowel movement without noting it on your calendar and the exact amount of time you'll be in the bathroom," Owen continued blandly and Jeffrey's face reddened.
"Get out," Jeffrey said coldly, grabbing at Owen's horse head and trying to pull him toward the door.
"And the location of the bathroom," Owen added gleefully, moving around so Jeffrey couldn't get a good hold. "There are so many..."
"Owen!"
"For instance, I know that tomorrow you'll be meeting with Erika over the phone at 1400 to 1413 hours. Only thirteen minutes allotted for your sister, Jeffrey? Really?"
"Make no mistake, Owen," Jeffrey said ominously. "I will kill you. And then I will hide the body."
"Hey, if I'm gonna go, Halloween's the day to do it! Just make sure you wait for flashes of lightning and cracks of thunder."
"I'll hide it in cracks of gunfire," Jeffrey retorted coolly and Owen sighed heavily.
"See, this is exactly why you need a Halloween party, Mr. Sourpants. You're antisocial like whoa and you have a bad attitude. Even Boyd's been chillaxin' with people lately and you--"
"Like I care what Boyd does," Jeffrey said sharply, giving up on trying to catch Owen and instead glaring at him, affronted.
"Just an example, geez," Owen muttered under his breath and then managed to turn himself around so he could start wandering over to the kitchen. "So anyway, you might wanna get dressed. People will be here in half an hour."
"What!"
"And seeing how it's a costume party, it'd be pretty weird if the host isn't dressed up. You don't want to embarrass yourself, do you?"
Owen's tone was almost disparaging and Jeffrey stalked over, reaching toward the top of Owen's costume. There was a struggle between them as Jeffrey tried to yank down the outfit and Owen tried to keep him away. Finally, Owen let out a loud, long-suffering sigh and shoved Jeffrey away long enough to unbutton the shirt enough so his flushed, bright-eyed face could be seen.
Jeffrey grit his teeth and moved in with a glare. "You had damn well better be joking."
Owen's face was guileless as he raised his eyebrows. "I would never joke about something as important as a Halloween costume party, Jeffrey."
Jeffrey stared into Owen's eyes and knew he was telling the truth. Irritation became outright annoyance and he shook his head. "Call it off."
"I can't."
"You can," Jeffrey said dangerously. "Call the damn thing off."
"But the hopes and dreams of thousands--"
Jeffrey's eyes narrowed ominously. "Owen..."
"--rest on this party tonight, the one shining example of love and light in these dark times--"
"Owen," Jeffrey said more firmly but Owen didn't stop.
"--the hours slaving away creating a costume just for this, their time to laugh and joke and feel like little kids again--"
"I couldn't care less," Jeffrey said stodgily. "Call it off."
"--plus I made them RSVP and they're all bringing food and drinks--"
"So they can eat it elsewhere. There are plenty of community rooms and apartments on compound."
"--and what if Carhart shows--"
Jeffrey's eyes narrowed and he stared at Owen, wanting to disbelieve what he just heard but knowing Owen too well to not know whether he could. "You did not invite General Carhart."
"Of course I did! And Vega Sr and all of them. So--"
"Even if you did, there is no chance that he would come," Jeffrey continued firmly.
"Well," Owen faltered, drawing his eyebrows up in the center in innocent confusion. "I don't know if he will. But I invited the Marshal too--"
"What!" Jeffrey yelled, eyebrows shooting up and arms loosening. "You did not!"
"Well, it only seemed fair," Owen said with a frown. "And imagine the embarrassment if the Marshal shows up at your door in a costume and you say," he rose his hand in a fist that he shook, his voice dropping into a deep rendition of the forefathers' voices and nothing at all like Jeffrey's.
"'Nay, Marshal Beaulieu. I do not care for this holiday for which you broke your typical stern demeanor to partake in. I did, in fact, label it stupid and ridiculous. As the Scrooge of Halloween, I thus sent all the joyful merrymakers away, as I shall with you. Begone, ghost of the current administration! Begone to another apartment and/or community room, and have yourself a happy Halloween far from my angry eyes! A curse on your house and any vegetables you may be growing! I do not like your radishes so I say to you-- Good day, madame!'"
Jeffrey stared at Owen evenly and there was a long moment of silence wherein Owen kept his fist up and eyebrows drawn down almost comically so. As much as Jeffrey wanted to kick Owen and his stupid ideas out the door, he faltered. He highly doubted Marshal Beaulieu would stop by but if she did... There was no way. There was no way anyone of any import would come. If he kicked out Owen, this entire ridiculous charade would be over and he could continue with the more important plans he had for the day.
But what if someone important did come?
It was embarrassing enough that Owen attached Jeffrey's name to a Halloween costume party invite and had the audacity to set it up at his place. It would be even worse if Jeffrey had to explain to a superior why the party wasn't there after all. It would just make him look like an idiot. Even more of one than he already did for the party invite in the first place.
Jeffrey's expression soured and he looked away. Damn Owen. Damn that man and his inability to grow up and the way he constantly pulled others into his stupid ideas.
"You're staying afterward to clean up," he said grudgingly, his voice as stiff as his posture. "And I reserve the right to end the party early if anyone is causing troubles or it gets too annoying."
Owen's entire face brightened and he shot his arm into the air happily as he jumped. His outfit swayed around him and he nearly dropped the jack-o-lantern. "What-- Yes! Awesome to the max! No prob, Bob, I'll be here 'till the bitter end and I'll be sure to field the drunkards away from your delicate sensibilities."
Jeffrey rolled his eyes, his teeth gritting as indignation and irritation continued to move through him. He couldn't believe he was getting pulled into this stupidity. "I'm not wearing a costume."
Owen looked crestfallen. "You have to!"
"I won't."
"It's the only rule of the party! Come dressed up!"
"Owen," Jeffrey said flatly, glaring pointedly. "I. Will. Not."
Owen stared at Jeffrey for a long moment and then sighed. "Fine. You can be dressed as a curmudgeon analyst for the Agency, then. That should fit you well."
Jeffrey gave Owen an unimpressed stare and then turned, stalking toward his bedroom. "I need to clean up before these people arrive. How many did you invite?"
"Um, I didn't totally count really," Owen hedged, playing with the jack-o-lantern. "Not the whole city or anything."
"That's real helpful," Jeffrey muttered in disgust to himself as he strode into his room and slammed the door shut behind him.
True to Owen's word, in less than an hour people started to show up. Jeffrey tried to stay away from everyone as much as possible at first, feeling rather overwhelmed by the childishness of the situation-- because what self-respecting adult showed up at a party dressed as, for instance, sexy Cleopatra or a giant beer mug? It was even more annoying that they all asked why he hadn't dressed up, as if it were some sort of scandal.
Everyone brought something-- food, drink, snacks-- which was fortunate, as Jeffrey wouldn't have had nearly enough on his own. As time passed, Jeffrey found himself slowly starting to loosen. Several of his fellow analysts showed up and they disappeared to a corner to talk business for awhile, which was more exciting to Jeffrey than the pointless conversations otherwise occurring around him. After that, he was able to connect with a few people he hadn't seen in awhile and managed to even meet a few people who he didn't find horribly annoying after two seconds of talking to them.
There were enough people to fill his apartment comfortably but not so many that no one could sit or move around. Emma from Intelligence had brought a portable music player and her music, which was fortunate because that was something even Owen hadn't thought of.
The party lasted a few hours and by the time the last person left, Jeffrey was very much ready for it to be over. He only had so much patience for large groups of people, especially when they were touching his things and moving things out of place. He had to grudgingly admit to himself that he had fun at least at a few points but there was no way in hell he would ever even hint at it to Owen, who would be entirely too self-satisfied with the information.
Owen stayed after as he'd promised, cleaning up while Jeffrey straightened anything that had gotten out of place. Owen rambled the entire time, which Jeffrey didn't bother listening to at all. By the time everything was cleaned up and Owen was ready to leave, Jeffrey refused to answer any questions about whether he had fun and instead cut Owen off.
"I didn't see any of our superiors show up," he said pointedly.
"Oh, that," Owen said, waving a hand dismissively. "I didn't actually invite any of them."
"What?" Jeffrey snapped as he straightened, his icy glare turning on Owen, who only laughed.
"Curmudgeon!" he said in amusement, pointing at Jeffrey. "I knew you'd do that! You never would've agreed if your pride wasn't on the line."
Jeffrey made a move toward Owen, who continued to laugh and ran across the apartment quite embarrassingly, like a child.
"Gotta go!" Owen yelled gleefully and somehow managed to open the door and disappear quickly despite his awkward and over-sized outfit.
Jeffrey stalked to the door and looked down the hallway, initially planning to run after the man. But what he saw embarrassed him entirely too much to want to associate with Owen any longer.
He couldn't help wondering how much Owen had to drink since he was literally prancing down the hallway, hitting his fake horse's rump and making a neighing sound. He even yelled, "Giddyup, my Hessian steed!"
Jeffrey looked up and down his hallway to make sure no one saw such a spectacle leaving his apartment and then with narrowed eyes he ripped everything off his door and threw it in the garbage.
With the headache slowly returning, Jeffrey locked the door behind him and vowed to himself that next time, he would just kill Owen immediately.
Before he could draw others into his cockeyed schemes.
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Happy Halloween!
Last edited by Ais on Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:15 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Damn, I love Owen! He's my absolute fav geek in the world 
